They have lost connection with the head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. (Colossians 2:19)
Before I was diagnosed, I spent months if not years struggling with my legs. They tired very easily and they felt wooden. Finally, I met with Andrea, a nurse practitioner. Somewhere during the exam, I had a revelation that I spoke aloud: When my hand or foot is asleep, all my muscles are there; they just cannot do much. Suddenly, I realized that my problem probably was not a lack of muscles, but of nerves. All the exercising I had been doing could not make me better, if the problem were in the nervous system.
Andrea did not need my revelation, but it concurred with her thoughts. At the end of the appointment, she assured me that what I was suffering was not normal aging, and she referred me to neurology. That led to Magnetic Resonance Images and X-rays. Both types of imaging showed my spinal column was pinching my spinal cord in my neck, causing partial paralysis. The good news was that the diagnosis ruled out multiple sclerosis. The bad news was that it required major neck surgery (discectomy with fusion).
I had a month to prepare for the surgery. Being a student of the good news taught and exemplified by Jesus, I sought a miraculous cure, a divine healing. This didn’t arise purely from cowardice. The surgery is indeed imperfect, whereas divine healing could undo all the damage that had occurred. As I write this, I do not know whether my healing will be divine or surgical. Even if surgical, I’m looking to the healing power of Jesus to make it more successful than usual.
Last night my conscience spoke to me: Louis, you are so inconsistent, applying your faith to your medical condition but not to your human condition. Believe for healing. Believe also for meaningful decisions all day long. Believe you can hear my voice at every juncture. There’s much more divine grace to go around than you realize.
For years, I have needed this realization, now galvanized by all the frustration my infirmity gives me. There’s a scripture in Isaiah that describes my worst moments, moments that occur when fatigued and discouraged: “your tormentors said to you, ‘Fall prostrate that we may walk on you.’ And you made your back like the ground, like a street to be walked on” (Isaiah 51:23). Surely, the creator who can touch the lame can guide me through better days and nights. While I’m believing for great health, why not believe for all the love and communication Jesus shared with his first disciples?
Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is the importance of our nervous system. No matter how healthy a limb might be, if it’s not connected to the head, it’s nearly useless. This is the metaphor Paul suggests in Colossians: Jesus is the head of the body; all who belong to him must get their signals from the head; the signals are delivered by the Holy Spirit.
Clearly the body of Christ is often missing the signals the head is sending. Instead of being guided by the head, many members follow their own impulses. To make a short list, some impulses lead to needless divisions, others to self-destructive behavior, and others to watered-down beliefs. There seems no more important task that to be sure we are connected to the head and to help others be so.
However I’m healed, I expect my limbs to respond much better to my brain, and I want my recovery to propel me on a lifelong course of helping members of Christ get better connected to the head.